Two days ago,
I was in a bad mood
at work
and
my boss quoted Shakespeare:
'There is nothing either good or bad, but only thinking makes it so.'

Minutes later he was so angry
that as he pounded the soap dispenser
with the bottom of his palm
it fell off of the wall
into the sink
and bubbles flew everywhere.

But Id like to remember the quote.

Essentially,
that quote
is saying that
.there is nothing.

and only
thinking
makes it so (apparent).

And the part of me that wants to be apparent
wants to exist
hates the idea
that I too am nothing.

But I know that it is the truth
I know
that
the Infinite
is one of those
somethings out of nothings;
never began and wont enders.


We are the deciders
We are the creators
We get to take nothing and make it something!
and then cry over it
or get elated about it
say its good or bad.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

The only trouble is
often
we forget we are
in possession
of that sacred choice
and become victims of our own doing.


but that wont last forever, I dont think!


"Man has falsely identified himself with the pseudo-soul. When he transfers his sense of identity to his true being, the immortal soul, he discovers that all pain is unreal. He no longer can even imagine the state of suffering."

-Paramahansa Yogananda

I carry a torch in one hand
And a bucket of water with the other
With these things, I will set fire to Heaven
And put out the flames of Hell
So that no one worships God
Out of fear of Hell
Or greed of Heaven.

-- Rabia, Sufi Muslim

none of this has to exist.
its not like anything would stop if this didnt exist.
cause then there wouldnt be anything.

THIS IS SUCH A GIFT!
a special special thing.

and I am so grateful
to feel and struggle and worry and wretchedly wonder why
why
why
why
why am I here?

As if Ive been somewhere else before or am heading to some new place.
Im here because this exists,
Because I exist;
Im here because I exist.

You gotta dig it baby.
thats how it is.
its simple.

And there are moments
like this one
where i understand that.
and it resonates
deep
within me.

And then I get absorbed in my life
Or something happens
and I fall into a state where simple answers
piss
me
off
because I have let myself believe that I am not a simple being.
That I have
desires,
needs,
things that must be fulfilled.

and I get all righteous.
"I have a right to be happy!"
"I deserve to understand this!"

and then Ive taken the Gift for granted.
taken life for granted.

Hah!

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"The yogi...is ever conscious inwardly of the sole Reality, Spirit, and sees maya and avidya - universal and individual delusion [separateness]- as merely a tenuous web holding together the atomic, magnetic, and spiritual forces that give him a body and mind with which to play a part in the cosmic drama of the Lord's creation."

Paramhansa Yogananda: God Talks with Arjuna: A Commentary on the Bhagavad Gita

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