Sunday, May 29, 2011

"I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty"
-Kabir (1440-1518)

And it is true
that your cup is full.
And when you try to add to it
you make a mess.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

realeyes that

Eyes don' see.
Nope.
They look.
You see.
You see?
Ears don' hear.
They listen.
You hear.
You hear me?
Fingers don' feel.
They touch.
You feel.
You feel that?
Noses don' smell so good.
Cause the don' smell.
They sniff.
You smell. (haha you smell!)
Do you smell what I am cooking here?
Can you taste it?
Im sure you can,
but your tounge cant.

In the same way
that a hammer cant hammer without a hand,
A mind cannot think without a thinker.
Therefore we can infer,
that the you that sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes, and thinks is
beyond
seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting, and thinking!

So going further,
in order to think, feel, smell, etc.
you first have to exist;
you have to be someone.
You have to have a vantage point (an "I am")
in order to say, "Okay I am the seer".

And along with this "I am" comes "I am not", which as it grows and becomes more complex forms what we call the personality, the person. (from Latin persona, mask).
"This is who I am, this is who I am not"

So even this "I" is a mask.

So then it must be asked:
What is That which wears the mask?

You!





Friday, April 1, 2011

lessismorethanenough

When the Dalai Lama was asked
what surprised him most about humanity
he said,

“Man.

Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.

Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;

the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;

he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Monday, March 21, 2011

Excerpts from Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight
To me did seem
Apparelled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;--
Turn wheresoe'er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

The rainbow comes and goes,
And lovely is the rose;
The moon doth with delight
Look round her when the heavens are bare;
Waters on a starry night
Are beautiful and fair;
The sunshine is a glorious birth;
But yet I know, where'er I go,
That there hath past away a glory from the earth.
...
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

-William Wordsworth

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

IT has been nice outside

which means this blog will probably be wholly ignored until next Winter. But there is a new blog in the works which will follow the implementation of a permaculture design for the farm where I now live (will post link when ready). Below are some pictures of recent work there.


Saturday, March 5, 2011

guest post


if a word means whatever a person wants/needs it to mean, how do we speak to each other at all? individual meaning, but collective understanding:

we listen to each others' sounds. but, the word "rain"doesn't sound like rain. everything we say is a symbol--there is no language but figurative language. the word "love" doesn't sound like love. and when a person says "i love you" or "i love your new shoes," the other person knows that the sound means something more than the sound, and each time it means what the speaker needs it to mean.

speaking and listening are just agreeing to try to understand each other. and, if you were to be faced with the exercise of using words--any words--which would you use? and what would you say? this is my answer; i hope you understand.

-s.a.a.


Monday, February 28, 2011

It is raining today
and I wondered, What would
It
be like if I were struck
by lightning?
because while It was raining It was also
lightninging
And tomorrow,
if Ray the weatherman is right
It will be sunning.
People don't like to be rained on.
Some people.
Does rain like to be peopled under?
Maybe some rain doesn't mind.

I mean if I was rain I wouldn't get too worked up about
getting peopled under
or not.
Because I would take into consideration
the fact
that I am going to evaporate
and condense
and do the dance
all over again--
the fact
that in truth I am just as much
the drop
as I am the vapor
the cloud
the puddle.

I'd just go with the flow.


Sunday, February 27, 2011

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

E.E. Cummings



Thursday, February 24, 2011


Gluten-Free Orange Scented Cornmeal Hotcakes
makes 4 big cakes, recipe can be doubled w/out adjustments
(can be made vegan, but you wont get to eat butter)

ingredients:
1 cup yellow plain cornmeal
a little under 1/2 cup of masa de harina*
1/8 cup sugar
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 cup melted butter (1/2 stick) sub canola oil for vegan
1 1/3 cup whole milk sub unsweetened soy/almond/rice milk for vegan
2 tsp orange extract
zest of 1/2 orange, grated
butter/oil for cooking

method:
Combine dry ingredients (cornmeal, masa de harina, sugar, salt, baking soda, baking powder) and mix well
In a separate bowl whisk melted butter, milk, orange extract, and zest.
Add to dry mix and whisk until smooth, let it sit for a few minutes**
Heat pancake griddle to 375deg. or a large non-stick pan to med/high heat
Melt some butter on that bad boy, and put about 1/3 cup of batter per pancake
Use the cup measurer to tap around the batter to make a circle
Cook until you can see dark brown on the bottom edges of the cake (is important to get it nice and crispy) then flip.
Cook for another 45 sec to minute and serve hot with butter and maple syrup. ( I put strawberry preserves on mine and it was very good)

notes:
*
masa de harina is a special type of corn flour used to make corn tortillas. It is available in Mexican grocery stores and most conventional grocers. The common brand is Masa Brosa: Harina de Maiz. It is in a orange bag.
**The batter will thicken up while it sits, this is good. Just tap it around when putting the griddle to make the circle shape. If for some reason it gets too thick or gloppy, add a little milk and whisk well.


Sunday, February 20, 2011

A Father requested of his son:
"Bring me a fruit of that large tree."
"Here it is, Sir."
"Break it."
"It is broken, Sir,"
"What do you see there?"
"These seeds, which are very small."
"Break one of them."
"It is broken, Sir."
"What do you see there?"
"Not anything, Sir"
The father said: "That subtle essence which you do not perceive, is the very essence of this great tree. Believe it. That which is the subtle essence, to that all that exists owes its existence. It is the True. It is the Self, and you are it."

-From the Chandogya Upanishad


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

We're at now, now.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

These pictures are here only so I can use the URL to put them in the body of an email to the people who own the land where I live, instead of including them as attachments. They are just showing some of the pear trees after pruning.

This tree is my favorite on the farm. It fell over years ago (now having what I can only describe as a 'pimp lean') but is still doing exceptionally well. It was the most productive pear tree we had last year, and it looks like its straight out of a Japanese tea garden when it is in bloom. Perhaps Ill post some pictures in the spring time of it in its flowery beatitude.


This tree had not been pruned in a long time, and the majority of its branches were completely vertical and far beyond the reach of even Yao Ming on his tiptoes. They also were very tangled which inhibits the air flow that buds need to be pollinated. So we basically capped the top and left only the horizontal branches and older buds. Over the next few years these will bulk up and this tree will be back in action.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
-Kahlil Gibran

Though the branches are hard to see in this photo because they blend in with the blueberry patch just behind, this tree had a similar problem. Far too much vertical growth and tangled branches.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer"
-Albert Camus
And like most things on my blog I cannot help but tie all of this into the bigger picture of what is going on in this thing called Reality.
This Winter I have been thinking a lot about beginnings and endings, sounds and silences, births and deaths; how one implies the existence of the other.

Yet we live in a culture that wants vine ripe tomatoes all year long in the grocery store. We desire to be 'happy all the time' and have every day be lovely and inspiring.
And this is all in good intentions of course.

However it is unreasonable. It is an irrational and dis-empowering view of reality. I think the first step is to accept, wholeheartedly, that everything is perfect. Just fine and dandy.
Yep, all of it.
Even that thought saying, "this isnt perfect you are crazy?!"
that is the perfect thought to be thinking now.
Now I am not saying that it all tastes good- that things like Katrina, cholera, serial killers, etc. are just delightful. No, that is not my definition of perfect.
What I'm saying is imagine if everyone were happy all the time. Could that even exist? How could you call it happy if you had no sad to compare it to?
Imagine if a song had no spaces between the notes. Could you have a melody?
Harmony without discord?
Sages without fools?
Yummy without yucky?

You get it.

Variety is the spice of life! This constant pull of dualism makes the cosmic drama interesting. How lovely it is to watch this Earth reawaken in Spring!
So there is no sense in grieving in its slumber.
There is no sense in grieving in your peculiarities or shortcomings,
for verily they imply your flawlessness.

But this acknowledgment of the wholeness and perfection in duality raises another question:
What is that in which the dualities exist?
What is that canvas on which they are painted?
The substratum that they both grow out of?


I think Ramana Maharshi answered this question when he said:
'Enquiring within Who is the seer? I saw the seer disappear leaving That alone which stands forever. No thought arose to say I saw. How then could the thought arise to say I did not see?'.



Tuesday, February 8, 2011

ain't no school like the old school

semicolon shift-0


; )

Monday, February 7, 2011

Cooking show!
A desire I have had since a child was finally fulfilled!
This is my brother Doug, friend Julia, dog Nellie, and me making a lovely masala veggie stew.


Saturday, February 5, 2011

*** I have been working on this post for almost a year, and I finally finished writing it. I hope you enjoy***

Story Time:

I work at an Indian restaurant. I came to interview for the job back in September of 2009, and moved to Asheville to begin work and a new life
on 9-9-09.

9-9-09!
I like numbers,
and on top of that the restaurants address is 22,
the exit off the interstate to my house is 44,
and my house's address is 88.
So I decided that this was serendipitous, and that I was in the right place!

This is Meher Baba (Compassionate Father).
Born Merwan Sheriar Irani.
He is considered by many to be an Avatar, or God incarnate as man.
Who has come to Earth in the past as Zoroaster, Krishna, Ram, Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddha.

I had heard stories of Meher Baba before I had taken this job,even that his spiritual abode in America was in Myrtle Beach, SC of all places. Yet I had never given him much thought, and certainly did not believe the he was God.

I started on the first day and learned my boss's name was
Meherwan Irani.
I said, "Oh, like Meher Baba?"
He said, "Yeah" and continued on talking about money and how
the restaurant business is retail and not service because
we
sell
food!

I came to find over the next week that 80 percent of the people I work with were Baba Lovers, devotees of Meher Baba and his spiritual message of Divine Love for God. And that my boss shared a named with Baba because Baba had named him.


I dug it. They are all very generous and loving people. And I liked my job. Meherwan's mother Amrit came from India to teach us how to cook and with her brought stories of this mysterious Meher Baba which I frequently asked her to tell me.

(Amrit, I am in the background)

She spoke of him as the most beautiful human being she had ever encountered.
That she was attracted to him like a bee to a flower.
That whenever she was around him, it was as if she was with herself, only this version of herself was more her than she could be.
And He was pure love.

So the days went on, and work began to get very hectic.
Amrit went back to India, and the restaurant went through the turmoils of opening.
Many days were just plain awful, and I began to wonder why I had emprisoned myself in a kitchen again. Why I was still a cook? What I was doing with my life?
How do I get out of this?
and questions like that which come from the paranoid mind.

So I told you that story to tell you this story.
Which is much longer.
And I will try to tell it the way it was told to me.



I was cooking at work, and Meherwan came up to me. I was making his lunch for him, and I dont know how it came about but he asked me if I wanted to hear a story about his Grandfather and Meher Baba.

I said yes.

And this is what he told me:

""My grandfather was a very rational minded, successful businessman with a kind nature. He was an atheist, not because he didn't like the idea of God, but moreso because their was no logical proof for God's existence.
During the Indian Independence Movement, my grandfather and his friends were not buying into Ghandi's non-violence program and decided to buy weapons and claim their freedom for their own. In the process of doing this, my grandfather was imprisoned and everything he had was taken from him.
After being imprisoned for a number of years, my grandfather began to grow restless and decided late one night to give prayer a chance.
Being a businessman, he began his prayer formally, saying 'Mr. God' for he had never spoken with the fellow and thought he should be cordial.
He asked,
'Mr. God, I will believe in you, for the rest of my life, if you get me out of this prison! I will take any other form of bondage, for the rest of my life, if you set me free!'
Thinking he should be more specific he added,
'I will believe in you, and take any other form of bondage, if you get me out of this prison before 5 o'clock this morning.' He knew the likelihood of this happening was next to impossible, for everyone was asleep and none of the revolutionaries had been released from the prison.
Therefore if he was released it must be an act of God.
My grandfather had no idea what time it was, though he knew it was very late because the entire prison was silent, and no guards had passed his cell in some time.
He decided to try and get some sleep.
While he slept, my grandfather had a vivid dream that a young man with a mustache came and opened the cell door, telling my grandfather that he was free. He awoke in a cold sweat- realizing it was a dream he laughed at the sheer impossibility of his departure from the prison.
'It's probably already after five' he thought. His mind went on and on about how there was no way he was going to get out of prison, that God was not coming to his aid and therefore did not exist. Yet for some reason the next thing he knew, he was sitting on his bed fully clothed with his belongings wrapped up in a cloth. He sat there thinking, 'This is absolutely ludicrous. What am I doing. I need to go to sleep!' Yet beneath it all he felt that something was going to happen.

"Then a loud bell rang, startling him.
He listened to the clock ring 4 times,
indicating that it was only 4 in the morning.

"His heart leapt! Could it really happen?! He began to grow very anxious now, feeling the imminence of his freedom. Within minutes, a guard appeared at my grandfathers cell, opened the door, and told him he was free to go. He strolled out of the prison with a giant smile:
free and excited about his new relationship with Mr. God.


"Some years passed.
As a reimbursement for his heroic actions during the Indian Independence Movement, my grandfather was given a large plot of land near Dehra-Dun. He started a farm there, which over time began to grow and my grandfather became a prominent figure in the area. My family still grows rice on the land to this day. One day, a group of young men arrived at the door.
My grandfather answered and they asked, 'Sir, we are looking to establish a spiritual center for our brother. His name is Meher Baba. We were wondering if, due to your stature in and knowledge of this area, you could help to find us the appropriate land.'

"My grandfather decided 'Why not?' and worked with the boys over a few consecutive visits to find the appropriate spot in the area, and helped them obtain the land.
Over the course of these visits it was revealed to my grandfather that Meher Baba was not their brother in a familial sense- He was their cosmic brother, and they believed him to be the Avatar, a fully God-realized being. My grandfather did believe in God, due to his miraculous departure from prison. Yet he believed in God up there. Not down here.
And though he did not buy into the idea of Meher Baba being the Avatar, he still felt that if he could help these people find the land, than he should.

"Some more years passed, and one day my Grandfather heard that this Meher Baba fellow would be passing through a train station not too far from his home. My grandfather decided that he might as well go check out this guy since everyone was so crazy about him,
but he decided he was going to stay at the edges of the crowd in case anything got too weird.

"Baba arrived, and sat down next to the train. He began to greet the 200+ people and give darshan but suddenly got a displeased look upon his face. He looked around and then gestured (for he was silent) for someone to prepare food for all of the people who had gathered to see him.
Everyone looked around to see who would step up to the noble task, for most of the visitors did not live nearby and had made the journey just to see Baba.

"My grandfather then told me that suddenly, as suddenly and uncontrollably as he had gotten dressed and packed the night he left prison, his hand went up into the air. The sea of people split so that my grandfather was facing Baba. My grandfather spoke, "I do not live very far. I can race home and prepare some food and be back here shortly". Baba looked pleased and my grandfather ran to his motorbike and sped away.

"As he started to drive home, my grandfather began to realize that he had just made a horrible, horrible mistake. He knew it would take half an hour to get home, maybe and hour to prepare all of the food, and another half hour to get back.
He scolded himself for his stupidity but continued home. When he arrived he ran into the kitchen and along with my grandmother threw on a giant pot of rice and daal. As the food cooked my grandfather paced around, opening the lid every few minutes to see if the dish was ready. When it was finally ready he strapped it to the back of his bike and sped back toward the train station.


"It had been over two hours. He knew that no train in India would stop that long: not even for God. He knew that everyone would have left, and would be thinking that he had not fulfilled his promise to return with food. To his surprise, however, he arrived at the train station to find
that not a single person had budged. Elated at first to see this, he then saw that the crowd had doubled in size and looking at the pot on his bike knew that the food would be hardly enough to feed everyone.

"He carried the food up to where Baba was sitting. Baba opened the lid.
My grandfather looked inside and dropped his head at the minimal quantity of food he had brought. Baba looked inside and raised his head with a giant grin. He beckoned for people to come forth and receive the food and my grandfather watched in horror as Baba piled the food high on the plates. He again slunk to the back of the crowd so that he could at least be last in line, though he knew the food would run out long before he reached Baba's seat.

"After a short while my grandfather found himself near the front of the line and peered ahead into the pot. It was still full of food. Literally it looked as if not a ladle's worth had been scooped out. My grandfather went up and received his portion. He looked at Baba. Baba just sat there, grinning and twinkling at my grandfather with enormous love. Before Baba got back on the train he gestured to my grandfather that my grandfather should come and stay with him sometime in Meherbad, to get to know him better. At this point my grandfather had good logical reason to investigate Baba after seeing his Christlike actions and agreed to come and stay with Baba for a while.

"He went to the center where Baba was staying and joined in the daily life there: cooking, cleaning, praying, celebrating, and spending time with Babaji. He became so absorbed in the daily duties at the ashram that he lost track of time. He looked into the mirror one day to find himself bearded, wearing raggedy old clothes, and realized that he had been at the ashram for some months.

Startled at his predicament, and anxious to return home to his family and job, he became somewhat agitated. He approached Baba one day to inform Baba that he would be leaving. 'Baba, I cannot go on in this way!' he cried. 'I have been wearing these same clothes for months, I spend my days cleaning and cooking, and look! I havent shaved in weeks. I look awful. I feel like I have no freedom! I feel as if I am in prison!'

"Baba looked at him with concern, and gestured that surely he could stay just a little longer.
My grandfather would not have it. It was then that Baba beckoned to one of his mandali to retrieve a picture of himself when he was younger. While they were getting the photo Baba gestured to my grandfather saying, 'Surely you remember our deal dont you?'

"My grandfather was bewildered with this question and replied, 'No sir, I don't.
You simply asked me to come stay for a while. Which I have enjoyed greatly, sir. I just am beginning to feel trapped, imprisoned here. I need to get home to my family.'

"Baba twinkled at my grandfather. 'Don't be silly, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the deal you made with Me that night in the jail cell'.

"My grandfather describes what happened next as the type of moment where everything you've built your rational minded existence on suddenly shatters and you are broken down to the core of what you are. Baba looked at my grandfather earnestly, and in that silent stare they shared in the knowing of the deal that had been made that night: that my grandfather would take any other form of bondage if he was set free from prison.

The mandali arrived back with the picture. Baba looked at my grandfather and gestured, "Remember the dream you had, before you were released? Remember the man you saw, with the mustache? I was younger then and you did not know me, but this is a picture of me from that time."

"My father began to cry. And by cry I mean he bawled his eyes out, and fell to the floor as if all of his bones had melted in the love pouring from Baba's heart. He no longer denied God's existence after that night in prison. And now, on the floor at Baba's feet, he no longer denied that God had taken full expression in the vehicle of Avatar Meher Baba. He knew that he had paid his price for being set free: taking a new form of bondage by working slave like jobs at the ashram.

"My grandfather remained with Baba for a few more days and then Baba sent him home.
Baba often referred to himself as a thief: for he stole the hearts of his lovers.
And that's the story of how he stole my grandfather's heart and how
my family came to be involved with Babaji."


***

When Meherwan finished the story I realized that during the time it took for him to tell the story (which was at least 30 minutes) not a single order had come in. I don't think a single person even walked into the kitchen. Or if they did they probably saw me engrossed in Meherwan's story and turned away. Meherwan chuckled at the story he had heard since birth and walked off to heckle food purveyors and shmooze with customers. I didn't budge. I couldn't. I was frozen there and all I was aware of was this overwhelming joy in my heart.
Right there in my chest.
And I silently knew in that moment that I had moved to Asheville,
gotten this job,
and worked that particular day,
just to hear that story.

And not to hear about trains in India or the Indian Independence movement. And not to learn about my boss's familial history. And not even to hear another beautiful tale about Meher Baba and the miraculous things that happened in his presence.

It was to feel that feeling in my heart.
To experience a joy like that.
I could see Baba's face in a portrait of him that hangs in the kitchen and I swear he was smiling bigger than ever.
And I knew he had stolen my heart.

And I got it in that moment. To Baba lovers (which is what Meher Baba's followers are called) to love Baba is to love God. He is simply a point to which they can direct their devotion to experience that which is beyond all form.

And if God is omnipresent, than to love Baba was not to just love this guy with a mustache. No, it is far greater than that. It is to love, with all of your being, whatever 'is'. For omnipresent means EVERYWHERE and EVERYTHING. No exceptions. Not one. Whatever is, that is It.
It is a shoe, a freckle, a dirty thought.
It is a cucumber vine, a pesty mosquito, the color teal.
It is all the dualities and the canvas on which they are painted.
It is the 'IT' in 'it is raining'.


I do not consider myself a Baba Lover in the sense that I go to their meetings or wear pins with Baba's face on them because I don't think it has anything to do with Baba's personality or body.
Those things obviously came and went. They were the crucible for that One Reality to come through, just as the bodies and personalities of Jesus, Krishna, Mohammed, Buddha, Ram
and maybe even that guy who lived in a refrigerator box behind K-mart were.

And to love that Reality is to simply love what is.
Because often we will only love what is
if it is the way we want it.

But when we just love things the way they are.
Right now.
We have to first lose ourselves.
And when you lose yourself, you realize God.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

ode to Animus, part 2

Never Mind.No Matter
No Mind.Never Matter

I often say "Nothing matters"
But I don't mean that in a nihilistic way.
Or maybe I do!
because in all honesty,
I don't know that much about nihilism except what I've conjured up in my head.

What Im getting at is this:
No matter if you turn gold into a bracelet,
and never mind if you weave it into a necklace.
It never loses its "goldness"

It is the same with Being.
No matter if It is a human or lampshade
or a crustacean on a beluga whale's tummy
and never mind if It wins in chess, dies in battle,
or loses a quarter at the laundrymat.
It never loses its essence as Being, as God,
as whatever name you want to call It.

That is what It is, so That is what you Are.
तत्त्वमसि
"We are all waves on the ocean of God's consciousness" - Paramahansa Yogananda

So this is liberating.
To know, with conviction, that nothing matters and not to mind life too much.
Because these waves will return
to the ocean of Being from which they came.
And its nothing personal.
Because we are not people, we just appear to be.
And pretend to be.
And that is the fun of it all.

For everything becomes a playful experiment
when we know that we are Golden
and cannot be touched by the 'too rough fingers of the world.'



Monday, January 3, 2011

Perfect Masala Chai for 2

Ingredients
:
2 Tbspn minced fresh ginger
1/2 tsp cardamom seeds (crushed) or 6 cardamom pods (crushed)
4-5 black peppercorns (crushed)
1 1/2 cup H2O
3/4 cup milk
1 Tbspn half/half (optional)
2 Tbspn loose Indian Black Tea (Brooke Bond's orange pekoe works well)
1 1/2 Tbspn sugar (100% necessary)
a wire strainer

Method:
  1. Combine the water, ginger, cardamom, and black pepper in a pot and bring to a rapid boil, covered.
  2. Boil for a minute or two then add the tea, cover, remove from heat, and steep for 2 min.
  3. Add the milk, half/half and sugar and bring back to rapid boil (be careful, it will boil over and go everywhere as soon as you turn around)
  4. Strain into teapot or directly into cups and serve piping hot.